It wasn’t until 2010 that I first
owned a cat. Growing up, my family had always been dog lovers. We
were never keen on cats so I had no idea what it would be like to own
one of these furry felines. One day my wife, Donna, told me that we
were adopting not one but two cats. It took me some time to
understand what she was saying but once I did I was very nervous.
I honestly didn’t know what to expect
when our first two cats – Kain and Razz – arrived. Kain tried to
escape on the car journey home from the RSPCA and he scratched me
many times as I tried to keep him safe in his pet carrier. I should
have known then that being a cat owner was not going to be easy.
After Kain and Razz, my wife found
Buggles who only has one eye but he has a lot of character. We think
of him as Phoebe from Friends or Dr Elliott Reed from Scrubs.
After Buggles came Charlie who is the smallest of the cats but thinks
of himself as a warrior or soldier, always starting fights with the
others cats and even with the household furniture. We reached six
cats when we adopted two brothers – Bilbo and Frodo. They’re
Norwegian Forest cats and are complete opposites. Frodo is loud and
enjoys singing, while Bilbo is quiet and enjoys being cuddled.
I’m not sure how I ended up in a
house with six cats but somehow I have and each day these boys
continue to astound me with their bad behaviour and cunning plans to
annoy me. They often succeed as well. I am in charge of feeding and
cleaning up after them which is certainly hard work. After months of
bad behaviour from the cats I turned to writing to share their
stories online.
Man vs Cat began as a series of
blog posts. I shared these once a month and from there I decided it
would be fun to reveal what the cats did whenever my wife and I were
out of the house. I created 36 Lives, a series of meetings
between four of the cats. In these meetings they discuss many things
such as Christmas, Easter and David Beckham. Cats think very
differently to us humans so I thought it would be interesting to see
what they thought about us and our world.
Having written many blog posts, my wife
and I decided to put them into a book along with some new pieces
including interviews with the cats and even lists and speeches they
have written. Man vs Cat is both the story of how I came to be
the owner of six cats and simply how naughty these crazy cats are.
The cats will tell you that nothing I write is true but I promise you
that there are no lies in this book.
Excerpt from Man vs Cat: An
Interview with Buggles
Name?
Buggles, but I’m sometimes known as
the Magpie Kitten. Not because I’m a bird, though that would be
awesome sauce, but because I keep stealing things. I get very
excited, you see?
Occupation?
I’m a one-eyed dreamer, a poet
(though I don’t write anything down), melodious to the tone deaf, a
shiny happy person (cat!) and perennial sidekick to Charlie. He’s a
bit naughty (whispers) and he wants to take over the world.
Isn’t that just exciting?
Favourite owner?
Frizzy Hair. She found me online (well,
a picture of me, not me personally) and brought me home. Beard Face
was incredulous, but I soon realised who wore the trousers in the
house. Frizzy Hair is always nice to me. Beard Face just looks down
at me and when I’m alone he scowls, but when Charlie is with me, he
hides behind the sofa! I’m still not sure why.
Favourite film?
When Charlie’s around I’m supposed
to say Apocalypse Now! When he isn’t around I say the
Twilight films. I love those sparkly vampires, all glittery
and wonderful, like tinsel on a Christmas tree. I just want to cuddle
them. I have to order the films and books every week though because
Beard Face smashes the DVDs with a hammer, and tears the books up
whenever he finds them. I think he likes the feel of them.
Favourite book?
When Charlie’s around I say The
Art of War by Sun Tzu. When he isn’t here, I like to go for
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell. I’m a black cat, you see, and
that makes me beautiful. I know the book is about a horse, but I
figured we’re not so different. We both have four legs, a head and
a body. What more evidence do you need really?
Favourite music?
When Charlie’s around I say Oh!
It’s a Lovely War. When Charlie is elsewhere I will listen to
Lady Gaga. She is so amazing and colourful, and stylish; she’s a
role model to me. I can’t get enough of her; the music I mean. I
haven’t actually met her yet, but I will one day. I want to show
her my poker face.
Favourite historical figure?
Charlie told me to say Alexander the
Great. Can I pick Mother Theresa or Florence Nightingale instead? I
shouldn’t be saying this, but I once thought Florence Nightingale
was the lead singer of Florence and the Machine, but it turns out I
was a little confused.
Describe a typical day?
I wake up, I enjoy a wonderful English
breakfast (cat biscuits), I search the house for food to pilfer, I
get excited, I run around the house emitting playful screams, I think
of violet teddy bears and moustachioed fairies, I eat, I dream of
fluffy white clouds and angels playing harps, I attend Charlie’s
daily strategy meetings, I enjoy a nice English tea (biscuits and cat
meat), I hunt for more food and then I sleep.
Describe the best day of your life?
My dreams all came true. That hasn’t
happened yet, but one day I dreamt it did. Charlie told me I had
temporarily passed out after watching all of the Twilight
films back to back, but he’s just jealous of my admiration for
those sparkly vampires. Gives me shivers just thinking about them and
I don’t mean through fear.
Anything else to add?
Did I just dream all this or are you
actually real? I struggle to separate reality and dreams.
Mr B: I have often wondered what
group of creatures are inside Buggles’ head, working the controls.
Pixies maybe? Every day is one of excitement and wonder for him. You
never know what his latest antics will be, but you can be guaranteed,
just as with an episode of Family Guy, that it will be
something random.
Synopsis
History has known
many famous cats - Garfield, Mr Bigglesworth, Simon's Cat, the
Aristocats, the Cheshire cat and the Keyboard Cat on YouTube.
In
recent years these feline things have replaced man's best friend as
the most popular pet in the U.S. while the Ancient Egyptians once
worshipped them as gods. This was a mistake and I'm here to tell you
why.
Man vs Cat is the story of one man, one woman and the six
cats that changed their lives forever. To the woman they brought love
and affection, to the man they brought sleepless nights, fear,
paranoia and even ruined his jigsaw. Need I say more?
Goodreads:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17050199-man-vs-cat
About the author
David
Brown could be considered a fantasy fanatic, especially since he has
spent the last 10 years developing a 47,000-year history for his
fictional world of Elenchera. When converting his obsession into
literary form, David commits himself to a rigorous writing and
editing process before his work can meet his approval. Combined with
the critical eye of his wife and a BA Hons in History and English,
David's dedication leads him to his goal of inspiring readers through
heartfelt stories and characters.
Twitter: @elenchera
Facebook: davidmbrownauthor
Website: http://elenchera.com
Blog: http://tweedling.com
